10 Common Misconceptions About Professional Escorts

A conversational piece that aims to discuss the preconceived notions and false beliefs people have about the world’s oldest profession. Then, examine the harmful and long standing false narratives about the professional escorts who choose to work in it.

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Table Of Contents: Post Outline

• Introduction
  1. Stigmatization Of Sexwork
     1. Whorephobia 101
        1. Most Common Misconceptions About Escorts
           1. 10. No other job prospects
           2. 9. They’re dirty
           3. 8. More “loose” than non-sexworker women
           4. 7. All are heterosexual, femme and cater to straight male clientele
           5. 6. All are victims of exploitation and/or coercive control
           6. 5. They all have “Daddy issues”
           7. 4. No one would want to seriously date a professional escort
           8. 3. Have to live a double life to avoid being disowned by family
           9. 2. Our personal sex life is ruined/non-existant
           10. 1. Ashamed or repulsed by their time as a sexworker

Introduction

When you hear the words “sexworker”, “prostitute” or “escort” what immediately comes to mind? I’ll make an educated guess and say that it’s probably a negative.

It’s okay, don’t feel to bad about that being your first reaction. I am guilty of this too. Society, especially ones with puritanical roots, have conditioned us to have less than savory ideas about escorts. These beliefs range from innocuous ignorance to heinous misogyny. In this post I’ll be dispelling falsehoods, debunking myths about sexworkers and educating you all on the realities of life as an escort.

Stigmatization Of Sexwork

It is often said that prostitution is the world’s oldest profession. Although in the strictest, technical sense, I’d have to disagree.

It hasn’t always been that way. Prostitution and even forms closer to modern day sexwork were not particularly looked down on in ancient times. In varying cultures across the globe it was built right into society. It was no more or no less despised than any other occupation.

The crippling stigma that escorts experience today is rooted in misogyny and antiquated ideals of moral purity. Sexwork has been seen as a threat to the nuclear family and has seen periods of social acceptance. On the other hand, like now, we’re in a period of majority moral disapproval. Historically, stigma against sexworkers was based on women transgressing the norms of acceptable femininity and immoral sexual behavior.

The effects of this stigma on sexworker’s lives range from having minor to severe negative impact. Some examples include:

• Systematic discrimination from banking and financial institutions
• Criminalization and all that comes with being categorized as a criminal/outlaw
• Societal Isolation: Working outside of the bounds of the law & moral disapproval push sexworkers into fringe culture territory
• Violence
• Obstacles to sufficient healthcare opportunities

These are just some of the possible outcomes that we face as adult service providers.

Whorephobia 101

Have you ever heard of the term ‘whorephobia’? It sounds kind of silly but I assure you, it is a very real thing.

Whorephobia is defined as the fear and hatred of prostitutes. The definition extends much further though. Also included are all kinds of sex workers like phone sex operators, strippers, full body sensual masseuses, porn actresses, erotic novelists, etc. The hatred is a bi-product of the existing stigma against (mostly) women whose sexuality falls outside of what is considered “acceptable behavior”.

The fear aspect of it is predicated on the potential perceived influence that escorts may have on the respectable people in society. Fear of the Jezebel spirit. A temptress, poisoning the minds of growing boys and girls while seducing men of otherwise good moral standing.

An exceptional article about this topic is by fellow sexworker, Pluma Sumaq. The following quote is sourced from her article, Uprooting Whorephobia: Why We Must Change the Stigma of Sex Work.

“The stigma, criminalization and whorephobia that makes sex workers vulnerable to violence and keeps us from being seen, also keeps us from appreciating the many invisible contributions that we make in the world. Prostitution does not exist in a vacuum. It exists in an economic, political and social context where poverty and capitalism create limited resources for many communities, and ask us to ignore our own needs in order to access these already limited resources”

Common Misconceptions About Escorts

Now, finally we’ve reached the “meat and potatoes” of this article. Let’s reminisce on 10 of the most common misconceptions about sex workers.

10. No other job prospects

This is just patently false. Although some escorts (especially those who join the biz at a young age or by coercion) don’t possess other marketable skills, that’s not the case for most of us. In fact, we actually develop lucrative skills while working as an independent escort. Thesskills help us run our sexwork business can prepare us for lucrative positions in respectable civvie occupations.

In my case, nearly all of the transferable skills and first hand knowledge about business administration/management, digital marketing and project management was learned from sexwork.

Unfortunately, though, sometimes it can be difficult to account for how/where I learned it from. I can’t exactly list this career on my resume. It’s really frustrating at times too. Some of the BEST examples of my work have been while promoting erotic companionship and my fantasy adult entertainment services.

On the other hand, there’s companions with ivy league education and experience working as engineers, in law, medical, etc. They make a strategic decision to enter the industry to MAKE A LOT OF MONEY. Treat it like a business, take proper precautions and use the profits they earn as a nest egg. Or to fund more sustainable ventures.

9. They’re dirty

You have a much higher chance of contracting an STI from a random no-strings attached hookup or FWB. It’s actually concerning to me how much unprotected sex non-sexworkers have.

For escorts, our sexual reproductive health must be maintained to continue providing services. Contracting chlamydia, gonorrhea, crabs, HPV or herpes = A LOT of days off work. The cost of lost time from waiting for an appointment to get tested and receive treatment is a huge blow. Then gotta spend even more time to recover. Hell, the task of having to contact every former sexual partner is what nightmares are made of. Or, if you’re someone who embarrasses easily you can opt to give the list to the health department. They can reach out for you. Personally, I’m not sure which I find to be the worst option.

No bareback full service (A.K.A. no PIV or PIA) is the industry standard. I can’t think of one escort who actually wants to just hand it out willy nilly. It’s still not completely unheard of. There are some providers who offer at a much inflated *premium* fee. It won’t be publicly advertised.

If you ever see an ad openly offering bare full service, my advice to you is to RUN🏃🏻‍♂️💨🤸🏽‍♂️ 💨🏃🏼. Run far away from that poster. Remember, you get what you pay for. Also, if someone doesn’t care about their own health it means one of two things:

1. They already have an STI/STD or blood borne infectious disease like HIV or Hep C
2. If they offer it to you, they offer it to anyone

8. More “loose” than non-sexworker women

For many millennia there have always been myths, folklore and flat out anatomical ignorance of women’s sexual reproductive organs. Another cause of misinformation comes from sexist, puritanical ideals about women sexuality. It’s prevalent all over the world. For instance, in remote tribes all over Africa they practice ‘female circumcision’. It’s a painful, unnecessary risky practice of slicing off parts of the vagina (usually the outer labia and clitoris). The practice is based on their cultural belief that intact women will be sexually promiscuous before marriage.

Translation: You will never find a husband to marry.

THE MYTH: Penetrative vaginal sex causes the walls to lose their definition and muscle tone. Having sex more often or with a large number of partners = loose vagina.

As it turns out there are only a couple reasons that a vagina becomes less tight over time. None of which have to do with how many or how often penises are inside of it. The vagina is a strong muscle with incredible elasticity. What else would you call birthing an 8 lbs baby through it and within months it’s returned to it’s original state? If not incredible.

There are 3 main causes of declined vaginal tightness:

1. Damaged pelvic floor muscles typically causes by a strenuous pregnancy/birth or as a side effect of cancer
2. During menopause, thinning of the vaginal walls due to decreased hormone and natural lubrication production can cause it to lose its muscle tone and elasticity
3. During arousal it’s normal for the vaginal muscles to relax and the cervix to lift up to 1 inch higher, lengthening the vaginal canal

The truth is that every woman’s body is different. The tightness depends a whole host of factors. Some women have a naturally wider set hips, longer vaginal canals, etc. A lot of ladies with petite frames, like myself, are known to be snug fit. We’re not called spinners for no reason.

Adult companions do not have looser vaginas than non-sexworkers. Similarly, non-sexworkers do not have tighter vaginas than their professional counterparts.

Also, just a sidenote: It’s bold to assume that you know how much dick we have taken. It’s extra ignorant to think that an escort’s “body count” is always so much higher than the girl next-door. Or your sister, mother and your wife. I can only speak for myself here. In my erotic practice I’d estimate that more than 50% of my sessions do not consist of PIV activity. At this stage of my escort career (6+ years) I’ve mastered the art of leading a session. My overall preference based on my physical limitations is to have less vaginal sex. I accomplished this by perfecting my oral skills and edging a cock to completion via milking/stroking. I also slowly implemented a tease and denial tantric style session. I’ve also began dabbling in femdom – a play on power dynamics often means less PIV with my clients.

SOURCE(s) :

Facts and Myths About Loose Vaginas

The Loose vs. Tight Vagina Myth Isn’t Just Sexist, It’s Anatomically Wrong

7. All are heterosexual, feminine and cater to straight male clientele

I know that this might come as a surprise to some of you, but there are sooooooo many lesbian sexworkers. Often times it’s your ATF- someone you’d never guess wasn’t into men because they put on such a great performance. Straight for pay, I think is what that is called.

There are several reasons why this is common amongst escorts. One reason is because female partners tend to be more understanding, open minded and sexually fluid than heterosexual males. The default nature of straight men is to be territorial about their women partners. This is the largest hurdle for sexworkers attempting to date.

Another facet to this dynamic is that of the client’s identity. Men, straight and gay, are no doubt the majority consumers of escort services. However, there actually are women, non-binary and trans clients as well. With the idea of transactional intimate relationships becoming less taboo the demographics of clients is increasingly diverse.

6. All are victims of exploitation and/or coercive control

There is one point that I need to make abundantly clear. Sex work is not the same thing as sex trafficking. The two are not mutually exclusive. Admittedly, there is some overlap. To get some clarity on the differences, let’s ask Google for an Ai overview.

Definitive characteristics of sex trafficking are coercion/force, vulnerability and third-party beneficiary. Coercion and vulnerability go hand in hand in trafficking scenarios. Without vulnerability (economic stress, migrants who speak a different language and lack resources, abuse/trauma victims, etc.) coercion is less effective. By that I mean it’s less likely to motivate a stable, healthy, privileged person who has a support system. There’s less exploitable angles for a trafficker to work with.

Key Differences

Sex work and sex trafficking may share some similarities but there are a few conceptual differences to keep in mind.

CONSENT: Sex workers choose to do sex work to experience great pay, time freedom, flexible schedule, etc. Trafficking victims are coerced and/or physically forced to do so while a third party benefits financially.

LEGAL CONSEQUENCES: Legalities vary greatly from place to place. In the majority of countries, prostitution/soliciting is a misdemeanor. Punishable by community service, probation or a fine. Most Western first world countries are leaning towards full decriminalization. Sex trafficking is a much more serious offense. It’s recognized and treated with severe punishment universally.

INDIVIDUAL IMPACT: To justly illustrate the difference between the two look no further than the impact on individuals. Impact of trafficking – trauma, psychological damage, exploitation, loss of freedom and alienation/isolation. The impact of sex work on the individual can range from empowering, a positive life-changing experience to damaged or death.

5. They all have “Daddy issues”

#5 is basically an extension of the prior common misconception. Assuming that every escort has a bad relationship with their father is incredibly rude. It’s rude, false and rooted in sexism.

I can only speak for myself when I say that I had an incredibly close relationship with my father. He raised me and one of my siblings as a single father for the majority of my most formidable years. Unfortunately he died in a freak accident when I was a teenager.

It’s a psychological fact that father-daughter relationships in childhood play a major role in shaping women’s self worth. A healthy, consistent and stable connection will impact a woman’s emotional stability later in life. I had the ideal father-daughter relationship dynamic. I still ended up working as an escort. I believe the reason for that is the trauma I experienced after his untimely death in a sudden unexpected accident.

What I do know for sure is that my relationship with my dad positively impacts the services I provide.For 15 years I was unconditionally loved and adored by a hard working, generous and morally competent man. My father modeled healthy, loving and respectful relationships with his family and romantic partners. He was caring, helpful to everyone he met and was a beloved by so many. His celebration of life boasted 500+ attendees and the tributes were something to be proud of.

How does that translate to my work today? Well, I am sure of myself and confident of the value I bring to my clients. Harsh judgement and belittling comments about what I do (thankfully they’re few and far between) do not phase me. I think the emotional security and high standards of expected treatment help me set boundaries.

4. No one would want to seriously date a professional escort

Wrong. That’s just categorically, undeniably wrong. I mean, it doesn’t even make sense. People pay us hundreds, sometimes thousands of dollars PER HOUR for our companionship. There’s no shortage of suitors who will date an escort outside of the profession.

That said, yr ã while actively escorting does come with unique challenges. It most definitely does have it’s drawbacks! An interesting study was done and published by the Journal Of Sex . Research.

Questionnaires were provided to 55 verified, indoor sex workers about their personal romantic relationships. Of the 55 participants, 43 of them reported having monogamous partners. Around 54% of partners were aware of their occupation (IMO, honestly is the best policy. I don’t condone keeping it a secret from significant others).

Finally, 78% of all respondents reported issues stemming from jealousy, mistrust and negative judgment. See summary table below for a more detailed breakdown of the study.

Subject	Value/Percent	Source
Negative impact on relationships	78%	36
Single due to work	77%	36
In a relationship	~50%	36
Partner aware of sex work	51%	36
Use of mental separation	Common	36
Difficulty separating work/personal life	>50%	6
Positive impacts reported	Minority	36
Relationships characterized by dependency/violence	Frequent	5
Power imbalance and partner dominance	Common	5
Tolerance of violence due to dependency	Noted	5
Concealment due to stigma	Frequent	36
Traditional gender role expectations	Present	5
Committed men seek “porn-star experience”	Noted	7
“Girlfriend experience” clients show more care	Noted	7

Contrary to popular belief there are open minded people who see the profession as just a job. Sometimes a couple’s chemistry transcends typical barriers of possessiveness and trust issues. I’ve been lucky enough to experience this myself. The problems that caused the eventual demise of the relationship had nothing to do with escorting.

I know of many escorts who have successful relationships. Truth is, we will seldom divulge that information to our clients. Why? It’s simple. 8 times out of 10 it ruins the fantasy. The response is a mixed bag, but mostly negative. The reactions usually fall into these categories:

1. Gets weirdly jealous/competition
2. Interrogation style questioning accompanied by a suspicious, condescending tone
3. Makes wild assumptions about our partner’s character
4. Doesn’t believe you, no matter what thinks “yeah right, he’s your pimp”

These results are based on my own first hand experience. I’ve heard many other escorts report much of the same.

3. We are always ready to fuck 24/7

This one is aimed specifically at clients. It’s a GIANT pet peeve of mine. It’s when clients call or text us and expect that we be ready to meet right now.

Since beginning my escort career in 2018 there has been one consistent theme. That is that a lot of clients seem to have this idea that escorts lay around in lingerie awaiting their call. It’s as if they believe that we are lgg around all hot and horny. Ready for every call that comes in. ALL THE TIME.v the

That couldn’t be further from the truth. I can’t even think of getting ready for a date until all the details are agreed upon, confirmed and the deposit is paid.

I spend the majority of my time hanging out with my pets and friends. This time of year (spring & summer) I live out my days gardening and upcycling restoration projects. When I am outside I rarely have my phone on me. I check it periodically throughout the day. The last thing that I am ready to do at the drop of a dime is be ready to entertain. Before I agree to a booking I must have at least 1 hour of pre-date relaxation time set aside. That doesn’t include the time it takes to shower + get ready. I need time to center myself and shift my mindset to work mode.

2. Our personal sex life is ruined/non-existent

Escorts personal sex lives can be a rather sensitive topic. The effects that this line of work can have on our personal romantic relationships vary from person to person. The impact range is massive.

Luckily for me, my work has had little to no negative impact on my intimate relationships thus far. In fact, I’ve experienced the opposite. Working as an escort has only ever increased my libido. Although there is usually a few days between each session. Perhaps I’d feel differently about it if I was a higher volume provider. Then yeah I can see having no energy left to have sex with my partner at home is a likely outcome.

It seems that most sex workers are still very much interested in having sex outside of work. Due to a lack of credible statistics on escort behavior and psychology I decided to gather my own data on the subject.

I posted a poll question on the r/sexworkersonly and cross posted the question on r/sexworkers subreddits. The results of the poll (shown below) were as follows: 44.4% of respondents reported that sexwork had a neutral impact on their personal sex lives. 33.3% of participants claim that sex work improved or increased their personal sex lives. As for sex work ruining or having a negative effect on escorts personal sex lives, an equal amount was reported at 11.1% for both categories.

The response in the comments was a mostly positive mix. Here are some quotes from respondents from both subreddits.

“I think it has improved my sex life because it has raised my standards. I will no longer tolerate average sex for free.”

u/jennahasredhair

“I don’t have unpaid sex with men.”

u/necessary_mistake110

“I have this intrusive thought “you should be getting paid for this” and I just low key never want to have mediocre sex for free again. For me, there are two things that can make sex worthwhile: love or money.

U/bandicoothuge4127

1. Ashamed or repulsed by their work

I think that the #1 most common misconception is also the most harmful. That is the belief that escorts are all ashamed or repulsed by their work.

This is a prevalent trope about sex workers all over the globe. It’s rooted in the historical misogyny and sexism that we earlier discussed. The truth of it is more nuanced than that.

It’s the preconceived notion that society believes that we should feel repulsed by what we do. Not that we necessarily actually feel ashamed. Not the work itself. A lot of escorts, like myself, actually love our job. We enjoy the clients that we get to meet. I know my worth and the happiness and wholesome healing that my services bring to my clients. I am ashamed of nothing.

I am grateful to have had a positive, overall empowering experience in this occupation. That wasn’t dumb luck, though. I’ve always approached Sexwork in a deliberate, controlled and cautious fashion. The stakes are just to high to ‘go with the flow’ or to ‘wing it.

I would be lying if I said that no one has EVER experienced legitimate shame from their time escorting. It’s easy enough to find hundreds of detractor testimonies all over the web. Plenty of former porn actors/actresses, strippers, dominatrixs’, escorts, spicy content creators, etc. have vocalized disgust and regret in their past participation in SW. All of their experiences are valid – full stop. I don’t doubt that their shame isn’t genuine or organic. As opposed to the general stigma induced, misogynistic, whorephobic shame that is projected onto sexworkers by default.

This life isn’t realistic or beneficial for everyone. Certain backgrounds, mental conditions, traumatic experiences and reasons for entering the industry greatly affect the experience. Despite the low entry barrier, it takes a particularly emotional mature, insightful and psychological stability to healthily process it. Anyone can become an escort. Much fewer can come out of it unscathed. Even less to be prosperous and positively impacted. It’s a lot to think about.

People speak about shame, low self worth and dehumanization in prostitution as if it is a given fact. Like it’s just a no-brainer part of reality for anyone who engages in transactional sex. Well, folks I hate to burst your ignorant yet endearing little bubble but transactional sex isn’t exclusive to whores.

I KNOW, I KNOW, calm down! Please, guys, just hear me out, okay? All types of interpersonal relationships are built on some form of conditional foundation. Most of those foundations have a transactional component to them. Romance and finance has been inextricably linked since forever.

WHAT I AM NOT SAYING: I am not implying that marriage = prostitution or that all relationships with financial obligations/dependence/support are the same things as sex work. Instead, to highlight the absurdity in linking companionship/sex and financial exchange as shameful.

Source: The Business Of Marriage: Transactional Courtship In Colonial America

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Conclusion

All of it circles back to the whorephobic vitriol that this post is ultimately about. Hopefully I was able to shed some light on the nuanced reality of being a professional escort.

The complex relationship that society at large, across cultures, has with sex workers is a long standing one. There’s so much to consider when exploring the way the world’s oldest profession is treated and viewed. You’d think that by now such judgment and murky understanding of the OLDEST tale in human times wouldn’t exist. Society has gotten used to and become accepting of much, much worse concepts in much faster time.

Ultimately, women monetizing and benefiting from one of man’s deepest intrinsic need is just unacceptable to most. We must remember, where there is supply, there is an equal or greater demand. A comparable phenomenon is the people who consume porn but think porn stars are disgusting scum of the earth. Make it make sense. The hypocrisy and self righteous delusion is an astounding sight to see.

On that note, we’ve reached the end. Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk. I’m available Monday-Saturday for future bookings!

XOXOXOXO – Jane

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